I Will Not Fall for Mulder
by trycee
Summary: This is Scully's inner dialogue after Seeing Mulder with Detective Barnes, season 3.


**I Will Not Fall For Mulder**

**by Trycee**

**Time frame: References from Season 1: The Jersey Devil and Season 3: Syzygy  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the X files, it's owned by Chris Carter and Fox. I wrote this for fun not profit.**

_**Scully's Inner Dialogue:**_

I consider myself a rational person. I know he's not mine but to be honest with myself, I am not sure when I became so jealous. I became attracted to him immediately...its no secret amongst a few of my girlfriends and even my sister Melissa, that I thought he was cute, but I didn't think I was capable of jealousy, honestly. I've dated co-workers... superiors... colleagues...and disasters always lay in wait... that's why I would never try to pursue anything with Mulder but when I saw him with Phoebe, I have to admit that I was jealous. She was brazen and he seemed captivated by her, though I don't know why...I dubbed her the Ostrich Lady, though I would never tell him that. Then there was the issue with Bambi... I had to collect myself when I saw her...she was beautiful and intelligent and obviously Mulder was captured by her. I on the other hand was not impressed. I thought I was contained in dealing with Dr. Bambi. I did my best...hmm.

But then there was Detective Barnes and I was quite aware that I was jealous then! I had worked with Jack and worked with Daniel and never got jealous when women flirted with them but with Mulder...I don't know...it's different. I consider him mine... No I have no right to be so possessive of him. Its completely out of character for me but to see him flirt so openly with her really angered me. She like Phoebe and Dr. Bambi were all Mulder's type...blond or a brunette...all tall like him. Not only does it bother me that he's attracted to Detective Barnes but I'm hurt that he would ditch me the way he did. He didn't even think of it that way. He was following her around, investigating with her when its usually me...He wasn't calling me, just off with her doing god knows what...and then I got the call about there being another death and when I went to knock on his door I heard a woman's voice. Though it was out of character for me, I burst through his door, something I had never done before to find her straddled on top of him!

They had the nerve to look at me like I was disturbing them...he looked not embarrassed or ashamed like I would have been in the reverse but like I had interrupted them. Damn it Mulder, why did I have to see that? Here she was on top of him and I will probably never get that image out of my head...Thank God they were clothed at that point but at that moment I died internally. I walked out and my head dropped and my shoulders drooped and then here they came walking out and Mulder had the nerve to tell me that it wasn't what I thought it was...I'm not blind Mulder! I told him I didn't see anything anyway...then I just kind of directed my anger, my disappointment at him and then he made that crack about my little legs...is that it, Mulder? I'm not tall like them? I'm a short red head that's not busty enough for you, Mulder? Then he made her ride in the car with me...What can I say about our little drive...Hmm...Should I admit the various ways I was thinking of killing her and him! It was a very tense ride but I composed myself. It seemed to me that everything I said to him and her was wrong and I hated it...He seemed eager to embarrass me to impress her.

But mainly I hated myself for having feelings for my partner...Mulder. I hated that I was so upset with him flirting with her and upset at seeing him with someone else. I promised myself I would never fall for another co-worker but every time he looked at me...every time he touched my hand, shoulder or face...every time I saw his concern for me in his eyes, my crush deepened. I know I'm not his type...I've seen his magazine and video collections. I know he would probably never look at me the way I secretly want him too. I am also very aware that it would complicate things...we're partners...we care about each other because our job is stressful and dangerous and we must place our lives in each others hands...that's an intense trust and there's nothing more that can come out of that. But why was I so concerned about he felt when I had that date with that boring guy, Rob, Scott's Dad. Why was I so happy when Mulder called and interrupted my date with him? What was the look on his face when I told him I had a date? And when Mulder answered the phone call from Rob...the way he handed it to me...what was that? And how he asked more details about my date than he should have...whether I was going out with him again...why did I get the impression he liked me back?

Why does he have to be so good looking with those broad shoulders, those sultry eyes and the way he lowers his voice when he speaks to me...Why do I seem to lose myself in those eyes? And when I see him then direct his attentions to another woman...why does it kill me so much inside? He's not mine...I've said that before, but why am I so territorial when it comes to him? I've got to get myself together. I'm a strong professional, independent woman damn it! I will not Fall for Mulder...I will not!

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